Halcyon Days

When I was still a child of about seven, my first step-father died a tragic death.  While burning weeds in our yard, he caught fire.  He ultimately died of pneumonia in the hospital.  After his death, my mother experienced a rejuvenation-I could tell she was different, felt different! It had been as if a light had suddenly broken through our cloudy lives.  Even I as a child felt a certain freedom, as if I was no longer being watched and could roam around freely. 

It was these days that were filed with my roaming around our yard, capturing poor little insect and maliciously tearing them apart, joint by joint.  One such insect, a bee, got its revenge:  when I tried to capture it, something went horribly awry and the insect's stinger got lodged in my thumb!  I will never forget what a terrifically devasting pain that stinger gave me.  It was so painful I could not dare pull it out myself.  I ran around the yard screaming my head off and finally ran to my mother to pull the darn thing out.  I think I left the insects alone after this.

I was a terribly pensive kid, given over to spending blocks of time alone, wandering around the yard exploring things.  I remember times lying in the yard on the grass (we had a pretty good size yard in those days) on lazy afternoons soaking up the sun.  I think this was before I realized black folk were not supposed to lie in the sun, at least not without blackening further like ribs on a barbeque grill.  But it was such a delicious feeling just lying there letting the sun penetrate my senses, letting its warmth wash over my little body.  We lived in Fayetteville, North Carolina then, before my mother met my second step-father-a military man, and we started traveling.  There was plenty of sunshine then!

It was during this time that I discovered my love of reading.  The school library was a heavenly place to me, filled with untold riches just waiting to be discovered.  What pure joy it was to sit and be carried away by words strung together in such a way as to entrance, enthrall and enchant!  Being such a solitary kid, reading was a delightful escape and sanctuary, a place where I needed no adult to escort me, guide me or watch me.  I could get lost in my own imagination, roaming around the sensational corners in my mind, discovering hidden joys and delicate sensations.  Sometimes the words, the sentences and paragraphs awakened things inside me, things which I could not have known but seemed at times to be vaguely familiar with.  I had a lot of deja vu in those days as a child.  I did not know if I had been places and experienced things or if I was simply imagining things.  It actually did not matter-it gave me pleasure, either way!  Reading is so important in a child's life,  though my mother never read to us as children, were I to have children I would make reading an integral part of their little lives.  Those early years are so important.  Aany activity that you can share with your child where you have the opportunity to bond, cannot be taken too lightly!

I remember specifically, in those days that something happened where the school buses stopped coming into our neighborhood.  All the other kids received rides from the parents.  My mother did not take me to school.  I had to walk to school.  It was probably about a mile from our home to the school that I walked every day.  During those walks, like most little kids, I suppose, my mind wondered as I made my way to school.  In reflection, sometimes I think Life has conspired to make me a single, solitary creature, chasing the silences of solitude.  I started walking to school rather young, probably seven or so.  And I walked all the way through high school!  Even when we moved to Germany, the walk to school was probably the same distance, about a mile.  And I too, walked it alone.  I would wait for the swarms of students to pass and then set out on my little solitary journey. 

Those Halcyon days are filled with so many memories for me, so many pleasant thoughts that sometimes intrude upon my day to remind me that things were beautiful for me once, that I was a child, that my childhood was not THAT bad!  I like to hold on to those moments filled with memories like my first bike, my little red wagon, my first pair of roller skates (which back in the 70s were death traps!), fruit and nuts in our Christmas stockings, the first day of school (I loved school back then and I was always some teacher's pet), these are the things that I have been drifting back to lately.

 I have said here before on my previous blog that I feel like I am starting the second part of my life, so these reviews, these pensive strayings and meanderings have been necessary, I feel.  I do not ever want to forget my life, no matter how difficult I may feel it has been. But I want to remember it all and to someday summon the power to resolve it into one glorious equation where all the parts have their place and I understand those parts and the necessary presence of them in my life.  I will use this glorious equation to construct what I will ultimately become!