At Work in the Fields of the Lord

And Ruth the Moabitess said unto Naomi, Let me now go to the field, and glean ears of corn after him in whose sight I shall find grace.  And she said unto her, go my daughter.  Ruth II-3.

There was a time when I too, gleaned ears of corn in the fields!  When I was in my early twenties I left the church after a rather unpleasant experience.  I wandered for a good five years without preacher, reverend or pastor.  I was amazed that I was able to pass that long without going to church.  I had been brought up in church, Sunday School every Sunday, Vacation Bible School every summer...  And I loved it.  I loved scripture growing up as a little boy. I remember reciting  Psalm 100, Make a Joyful noise unto the Lord, all ye lands, serve him with gladness...in church before the congregation when I was but a child.   Being a little Libra baby, I supposed I had a predilection for tales of fantasy;  those bible stories always fascinated me.

When I left the church I had no less a thirst for spiritual knowledge and understanding.  I simply came to understand the church was not the place to obtain it.  I was an inquisitive child who always loved learning.  I remember during those Baptist services at Mount Carmel in Fayetteville, North Carolina, when I wanted to raise my hand during the sermon and ask questions!  I came to understand this was not done.  That we simply sat and listened to the lessons or sermons being imparted to us.  I found this so unsatisfactory.  So when I was set free from the church, it was as if my thirst burst out of my chest and onto the world, unchecked.  I delved into astrology, numerology, Edgar Cayce, Theosophy and the Alice Bailey readings.  During this time of my life in my early twenties I was searching for something, for some grain of understanding about life and its purpose, little did I know I was also knocking at the door for answers.  It is written in Matthew 7:7, Ask and it shall be given you; seek and ye shall find; knock and it shall be opened unto you.  It was during this time of my life that I was proffered opportunities to understand the deepest questions that lie at my core, to explore those teachings that I had come to. 

 Often at night when sleep set in I embarked upon many a journey.  To work in the field is a spiritual expression.  A field worker helps those who have recently passed on or crossed over, ministers to those in need of prayer and assistance and helps those in need who are seeking guidance.  This work I did under the guidance of another.  As I was a probationer I could not do the work on my own.  I remember attending classes in my dreams as well with others who were on the same path.  We met in small groups.  I could never recall the discussions upon waking or any information that passed between us.  But I came to understand there were reasons for this. 

Those years are more than two decades behind me, having just passed forty-four years of age.  But I often wonder how different my life would have been had I fully engaged in the opportunities that were presented to me in the evening once sleep had overtaken me.  Instead I got ensnared exploring my sexuality, I got tangled up in promiscuity... and lost my way.  This line of activity ultimately shut out the visions and spiritual messages I used to receive.  Two of those message still pop into my head from time to time.  "Except by prayer, I am known by the love of the heart."  I remember receiving this early in the morning when I would awaken around 5 AM or so.  I would awaken to a black space in my mind, like a board.  And suddenly words would appear in the space.  The above message was one of the messages that appeared.  The other message I received was, "Light I am, Light have I become."  At the time these words meant nothing to me, but they did fascinate me because of the way I received them. 

In the intervening years since I have received those messages, time has done much work in my life.  I have uncovered at least one layer of understanding.  I used to pray and meditate some years ago and noticed that there was something taking place when I would get on my knees and say my prayers, something intangible that I cannot really describe.  The first phrase, except by prayer, I am known by the love of the heart now means a little more to me.  That prayer is a means of knowing the One, or becoming familiar with that form of energy, is a truth.  I could feel this when I used to pray, over a period of time, that I was become familiar with something.  I do not know who the I is in that phrase, but from my experience I would expect it to be Jesus, the son of God.  The love of the heart is the purest form of love and once one has been baptized in those waters, life cannot return to what it once was.  A new road opens up before you.  I chose not to take that road at the time it was offered to me and was waylayed at another station of life.  As I come around the bend or awaken from my spiritual slumber those experiences of my twenties are flooding back into my memory. I know what asking will do; I know what knocking will do; I know what seeking will do.  But that activity also engenders responsibility and commitment; what I did not know or understand in my twenties. 

Life is an extra-ordinary journey and if we pay attention, there is so much to learn, so many opportunities to become or self-actualize, should we understand and accept them.  My journey, I feel has started upon its third leg, as imagine by Thomas Cole in his painting, the third stage of mans life where man is charting the waters himself with his angel in the distance watching silently his action without interference.  I am just as blind now was I was in my twenties, but there are a few more things in my little life bag that there were when I was twenty.  The aches and pains I have felt from becoming a person have been many and varied.  But actualizing one's self was never meant to be a simple task, else we would all have accomplished it!   I know I am on my way to the house of the Lord.  But it seems I have decided to take the scenic route!  This is the route those of us take who are still unsure, unsteady in our convictions.  But it is also written that the race is not to the swift but to the slow and the steady.  Amen.