Back in my youth when I was running around, I recall hooking up with an older man. When we got together he said to me, "I knew you were into this." I remember thinking to myself, "T-H-I-S"! What was T-H-I-S? It occurred to me that by his statement he did not consider himself gay or a homosexual man even though he was engaging in same sex relations with another man (and also that he must have been watching me for some time) . Over the years it has become increasingly difficult to define homosexuality because individuals are carving out niches for themselves and classifying themselves according to their own psychological predilections. New catergories have sprung up regarding gay-relationships such as MSM (men who have sex with men) or gay-for-pay (men who claim a heterosexual status but engage in same sex relations for profit). Hell, there are even men and women who live gay lives but refuse to call themselves gay. These people are living lifestyles of the...whatever you want to call them.
For the past decade or so anti-gay forces have, upon their own authority, declared homosexuality a lifestyle, trying to quality homosexuality as a choice that is made by its practioners. According to this philosophy at some point homosexuals make a conscious decision to be attracted to members of the same sex, to enjoy physical intercourse with them, and bend their psychology to the same sex impetus. Intellectually this argument should simply collapse under the sheer volume and weight of its unmitigated stupidity but as with so much with anti-gay sentiment, it is completely unrelated to intelligence. It springs from prejudice, ignorance and fear, the ugly side of emotional expression. Every now and again I will see a man you who is so obviously effeminate and I think to myself using their psychology of choice, "why would he make the choice to dress the way he does, walk and carry on the way he does, knowing full well he is going to be mocked, ridiculed, spat on, physically assaulted and in the most horrid case, murdered, for his spectacular choice? Every day, untold numbers of gays and lesbians apparently make this defiant choice, to live this lifestyle.
Being a Buddhist is a lifestyle. Being a Jew or Christian is a lifestyle. A lifestyle is a way of living, a way of being in the world that requires you to follow a certain path. Being gay is no more a lifestyle than being a man or woman is. BEING gay is a form of existence, it is a form of truth expressing itself in the world. We can choose not to share with the world our homosexuality and choose to hide instead in the closet. We can choose not to have same sex relations but we cannot choose whether or not we want to be gay. This is a stamp placed on us before we know ourselves, often times we discover it as the years pass by. Untold numbers of us recall having feelings for members of the same sex before we even knew what gay was.
Because of the ridicule and backlash against homosexuality, particularly in communities of color, men who engage in same sex relationships do not identify with the gay community or gay relationships. They either spurn definition or they create new definitions for themselves. This has come to make homosexuality more complicated. For who is a homosexual? What makes a homosexual? I personally believe homosexuality is about more than simply same sex intercourse. It is a part of its definition to be sure, but it does not define it. I would say that there is something wrong with a man who has sex with another man yet refuses to call himself gay (whether he is a top or not!) But...if we know or have learned anything it is how complicated the mind is. Edgar Cayce used to say, "Mind is the builder." Yet there is also an occult maxim that says, "Mind is the destroyer, the slayer of the real." What we think and believe not only colors our lives but thereby dictates our thoughts and actions. Some people believe fervently in God and such belief directs their daily lives. Some people do not believe in God and such course directs their daily lives. Each has the right to their belief system. There is no stronger belief than the belief in what and who you are. I believe I am gay. I do not believe in a choice in this matter. Evidence points to the contrary. The vast majority of gays and lesbians discover their attractions BEFORE they reach the age of majority, 18. The law says that children are incapable of making certain decisions prior to the age of 18 and as such are in the custody of their parents. Choosing to be gay before your 18th birthday would therefore be legally untenable and invalid. Yet once we reach 18, our homosexuality often burgeons and we find greater freedom in expressing ourselves. The feelings and sensations do not evaporate or abate.
'Tis true enough that behavior can be learned. But I would ask from whom would a child learn to be gay? There are some rather sophisticated cross currents of homosexuality like style, taste and philosophy. Homosexuality cannot simply be relegated to some kind of choice like choosing to have sex with a man or a woman. What kind of idiot would offer such plausibility? One chooses what to have for dinner; one choosese where to go on vacation on does not choose sex with a man or woman.
I would say that men who have sex with men, gay for pay and men who do not define themselves as gay are living a lifestyle. A lifestyle because they pop in and out of homosexuality with a choice. They choose not to embrace who they are, for whatever reasons, and maybe they are not gay but like a little variety in their lives! That is a lifestyle, a way of life that you choose be a part of or not as your desire behooves you. I can tell you that swarms of gays and lesbians wish, at times not to be gay, simply because it would lead to a much easier, less confrontation existence. But it is not our choice, we are simply being who we are, for us it is not a lifestyle, but a life!
For the past decade or so anti-gay forces have, upon their own authority, declared homosexuality a lifestyle, trying to quality homosexuality as a choice that is made by its practioners. According to this philosophy at some point homosexuals make a conscious decision to be attracted to members of the same sex, to enjoy physical intercourse with them, and bend their psychology to the same sex impetus. Intellectually this argument should simply collapse under the sheer volume and weight of its unmitigated stupidity but as with so much with anti-gay sentiment, it is completely unrelated to intelligence. It springs from prejudice, ignorance and fear, the ugly side of emotional expression. Every now and again I will see a man you who is so obviously effeminate and I think to myself using their psychology of choice, "why would he make the choice to dress the way he does, walk and carry on the way he does, knowing full well he is going to be mocked, ridiculed, spat on, physically assaulted and in the most horrid case, murdered, for his spectacular choice? Every day, untold numbers of gays and lesbians apparently make this defiant choice, to live this lifestyle.
Being a Buddhist is a lifestyle. Being a Jew or Christian is a lifestyle. A lifestyle is a way of living, a way of being in the world that requires you to follow a certain path. Being gay is no more a lifestyle than being a man or woman is. BEING gay is a form of existence, it is a form of truth expressing itself in the world. We can choose not to share with the world our homosexuality and choose to hide instead in the closet. We can choose not to have same sex relations but we cannot choose whether or not we want to be gay. This is a stamp placed on us before we know ourselves, often times we discover it as the years pass by. Untold numbers of us recall having feelings for members of the same sex before we even knew what gay was.
Because of the ridicule and backlash against homosexuality, particularly in communities of color, men who engage in same sex relationships do not identify with the gay community or gay relationships. They either spurn definition or they create new definitions for themselves. This has come to make homosexuality more complicated. For who is a homosexual? What makes a homosexual? I personally believe homosexuality is about more than simply same sex intercourse. It is a part of its definition to be sure, but it does not define it. I would say that there is something wrong with a man who has sex with another man yet refuses to call himself gay (whether he is a top or not!) But...if we know or have learned anything it is how complicated the mind is. Edgar Cayce used to say, "Mind is the builder." Yet there is also an occult maxim that says, "Mind is the destroyer, the slayer of the real." What we think and believe not only colors our lives but thereby dictates our thoughts and actions. Some people believe fervently in God and such belief directs their daily lives. Some people do not believe in God and such course directs their daily lives. Each has the right to their belief system. There is no stronger belief than the belief in what and who you are. I believe I am gay. I do not believe in a choice in this matter. Evidence points to the contrary. The vast majority of gays and lesbians discover their attractions BEFORE they reach the age of majority, 18. The law says that children are incapable of making certain decisions prior to the age of 18 and as such are in the custody of their parents. Choosing to be gay before your 18th birthday would therefore be legally untenable and invalid. Yet once we reach 18, our homosexuality often burgeons and we find greater freedom in expressing ourselves. The feelings and sensations do not evaporate or abate.
'Tis true enough that behavior can be learned. But I would ask from whom would a child learn to be gay? There are some rather sophisticated cross currents of homosexuality like style, taste and philosophy. Homosexuality cannot simply be relegated to some kind of choice like choosing to have sex with a man or a woman. What kind of idiot would offer such plausibility? One chooses what to have for dinner; one choosese where to go on vacation on does not choose sex with a man or woman.
I would say that men who have sex with men, gay for pay and men who do not define themselves as gay are living a lifestyle. A lifestyle because they pop in and out of homosexuality with a choice. They choose not to embrace who they are, for whatever reasons, and maybe they are not gay but like a little variety in their lives! That is a lifestyle, a way of life that you choose be a part of or not as your desire behooves you. I can tell you that swarms of gays and lesbians wish, at times not to be gay, simply because it would lead to a much easier, less confrontation existence. But it is not our choice, we are simply being who we are, for us it is not a lifestyle, but a life!
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