Man Love

Man love would at first appear to be an oxymoron!   Men and love do not seem to go together.   We often wonder why it is so difficult for men to express love but we should not wonder why at all when we look at the societal structures that reduce men to the behavior of Neanderthals; the grunting, hunting and gathering, knock your mate over the head and drag her to the cave kind of man.  Unfortunately he is the model for the male species.  Whenever men seem to get together it's usually around alcohol and heaven forbid there are women in the proximity, the grunting, lascivious knave shows himself.

The model upon which this man is based has been mistakenly passed down from one generation to another for centuries.  The little boy is told to be brave and bold, he is instructed that he must never show weakness, that "boys don't cry".  He is discouraged from showing any thing resembling sensitivity.  The effect of this philosophy is precisely what we have, men who hide their feelings at all costs, who cannot relate to women on an emotional level or children for that matter, because they are psychologically confined by the Neanderthal model.

But men are the arbiters of a quality which is also inherent in love and emotional integrity, namely, strength.  A man is often defined by his strength, unfortunately this has been limited to his physical strength.  To his repertoire the male must add psychological and emotional strength, for it is these that really determine the strength of a man and his ability to withstand all that comes his way.  Take for example the numbers of men who engage in one night stands, father children, then walk away.  This is the work of a coward.  He may be fine as they come, with a body like Adonis but he is essentially a coward to walk away from responsibility brought upon him by his own actions.  He has no strength and even less character!  Take the same man, who may not want a family just yet but instead stands up to his responsibility, makes the necessary sacrifices to take care of his family and tries his damndest to give his child the best he can, not simply financially but emotionally, psychologically and spiritually.  This is a man of true strength and integrity, one who takes his responsibility and role seriously.  These are the men we need more of. 

These men are not afraid to show affection amongst themselves.  Often we see such affection expressed on the sports field among athletes.  I can only imagine they are bound together by the same amount of hard work and unyielding determination which creates a certain bond between them.  They are participating in a club of sorts where male bonding can only be legitimate when it comes under the auspices of a "manly" enterprise like sports or military training and endeavor. Under these circumstances men can assure themselves there is nothing "girly" about their affection for one another and that it is safely being expressed without any homosexual undertones.  This is what men must learn to let go of, the fear of judgment by a demanding society that their expression of affection is somehow unworthy of a "real" man.   They must come to see that a real man does express himself because his personality is based on strength and not weakness.  I have always believed a weak man will be afraid to put on a dress or make-up because he believe such a simple act would undersmine his masculinity, that his masculinity is not strong enough to pierce through the costume to assure people he is still a man.  A real man can put on a dress and make-up and you will still see his masculinity shining through.  Nothing frightens a weak man more than the thought that he is weak!  He is therefore preoccupied with trying to express his masculinity through the character of the Neanderthal, the ultimate male.  He will grunt and lay claim to women, all to show he is a real man.  This character must die out and men must learn more and more to show affection amongst themselves without fear of being labled sissy or faggot.  That much is up to society.  It is really society who, often unfairly because it is done without knowledge or wisdom, dictates the norms and the abnorms, for its members.  We should be encouraging men to show affection without fear.  Too many men are terrified of showing affection even with their wives and children. 

I have never had a man friend, a straight man as a friend, I mean a true and good friend.  I often lament this fact, because I think men should be able to have relationships with depth that have nothing to do with beer, pussy, cars or guns!  I suppose I speak of a platonic love, but wonder if this is at all possible among men given their lack of honesty with their feelings.  The closest we have come thus far is the best man at the wedding or perhaps even brotherly love. It is great for society when men can express themselves with strength of character and allow themselves to love each other and bond with each other.  I hope that this bonding and love comes more off the field or in the barracks so that society itself can be changed and allow men to evolve beyond the cave man mentality and expression.